I no longer have a phone, and have not for longer than a month. It was not difficult to go without a phone.
I now have a job doing software development I acquired via a connection I created delivering pizzas. I literally cannot say more as I am under NDA. All I can say is that we are creating a mobile app that I know for certain will be a success. It’s a very great idea and we are launching it at the end of this year.
I move into my own apartment on the 1st of March, and my student loans are only a month away from being paid off.
I can second several of the answers by other people here.
I’ve first remarked on it in conversations with my (now ex) girlfriend.
Before that, I’d never had cause to put it in words - but after talking to her and having her describe some things of how she felt (not just about me, but about things in general) I came to the active realization that even in this regard I seem to be a little different from most people.
After we’d broken up (it was long distance and things weren’t working out, plus we both had personal circumstances contributing) I’d also ended up in a depression. And while most people would describe a feeling of emptiness as associated with depression, I can most definitely say that the constant void inside of me is vastly different from what I felt when I was depressed.
This is just my neutral state. Emptiness/nothingness at my core. Even when I was profoundly happy (at least insofar as I’ve been able to gauge it lol), it was always there. A void at the center of my being.When I’m busy - especially intellectually? I don’t notice it as much. But it’s always there. Everpresent (everabsent?) Just… there…
It’s not even that actual sadness or other negative feelings amplify it, or even feel much related to it. While it does resemble loss to a degree, it’s inherently different. And most definitely feels unrelated to anything else actively going on in my life.
Much like negative feelings, positive feelings don’t seem to displace it. When I was dealing with my depression, especially at the point things started getting better. I’d had those negative feelings displaced or even temporary obfuscated entirely. Which is quite different.
