One day you experience a particularly long bout of deja vu. It’s odd, though, almost seems more like a vision of the future rather than a remembering of it.
You’re in some basement. A records storage facility it seems. You don’t know why, but you’re sure these are medical records. You glance to your left and see a sign that indicates “Records G-H”.
“G?” You ask yourself. “How did I know I was looking for G?”
It’s a compulsion–uncontrollable. You’re aware now that this scene had already happened. An immediate malignant hatred flushes through you. Angry now. Very angry. Footsteps louder, quicker. Zeroing in.
Your hands move with machinal precision. A file is pulled. File reads: “Eva Gandoeflini”. Your mother.
Your anger subsides. You’re curious now. The pages flip without thought.
“February 16, 2013:
Patient in for routine check-up. Notice enlarged breasts and last menstrual period 6 weeks ago.
Patient sent home with pregnancy test.
Follow-up appointment March 3, 2013.”
“March 3, 2013:
Pregnancy test came back positive.
Patient insists that she has not had vaginal intercourse in years.
Patient admits to anal intercourse with “25-30” men while on vacation 2 months ago.
Accidental pregnancy likely.
Patient referred to OBGYN”
“March 6, 2013:
Patient is two months pregnant.
Ultrasound all clear.
No abnormal symptoms/pain.
Patient is insisting that she cannot be pregnant, no vaginal intercourse as per patient.
However, patient wants to proceed with pregnancy.
Follow-up scheduled for April 6, 2013”
April 6, 2013
Patient is three months pregnant.
Patient is complaining of dark brown urine and pain urinating.
No change in diet, exercise, lifestyle to explain.
Colonoscopy scheduled for April 7, 2013"
“COLONOSCOPY REPORT APR 7, 2013
COLONOSCOPY REVEALED ABNORMAL OPENINGS IN THE DISTAL COLON. OPENINGS RANGE IN SIZE FROM SMALLEST 2MM X 3MM TO LARGEST 5MM X 8MM. OPENINGS OPEN INTO THR CERVIX.
ACUTE GASTRITIS IN DISTAL AND ANTERIOR COLON.
COLITIS IN DISTAL COLON.
REPORT FAXED TO PCP STAT 4.7.13”
“April 13, 2013:
Abnormal openings in colon were found in colonoscopy.
Patient admits to rough anal intercourse with penises and “foreign bodies” up to 16 inches long.
Prolonged activity wore down soft membrane lining of colon.
Patient likely has first anal pregnancy in recorded history.”
You realize not only are you the world’s only ass baby, but also that your mother took dick so large, so hard, and so often, in her asshole, that jizz drip holes formed, resulting in your birth.
The anger returns.