Chapter 2: time lapse
Fast forward two years into the future to skip over all of the stupid stories of drunk nights and hook ups, i now have a girl thar says she’s in love with me.
Yes, me, the unloveable, the unbearable, the insufferable, me.
There is some weird dynamic going on though in our relationship, i dont like her that much because she likes me, and because i am a shitty, pathetic human being i really have very little respect for someone who has such bad taste in people.
So i think to myself ‘i can do better than this, i deserve more’ so i go out and i go on dates and i drink and i fuck and i lie to her face that im going out with friends or doing something that im not.
Eventually she figures out something is up when she tries to call me and i dont answer her, dont answer texts, she finds other girl’s shit in my apartment, she finds a used condom and realizes im a sleezeball , and then asks me if im cheating i lie through my teeth and say no, i swear on it.
She knows im lying but she also figures i wouldnt lie to her unless i cared about her and wanted to keep her, so she stays!
I wake up some days, i wake up feeling bad. I feel bad about who i am, about the life that im living. I want to dump her, but i like having someone around that is always just there, but i also realize im not in love with her. Nothing about being with her excited me at all. When i talk or bring over other women, i get excited , i get aroused and turned on, i havent had this feeling with her in over a year
She keeps talking about us moving in together. Maybe getting a place, she keeps leaving more of her stuff at my place. Shampoo, brush, some pajamas, art kit, and shit.
Meanwhile im laying in bed wondering if today is the day i finally get the balls to tie some rope around my neck and hang myself . What kind of fucking life is this. I look in the mirror and i see my face but when i wake up or finally start falling asleep, im staring at a sad little monster
