Dead to me

It's a state of mind, sort of a game.

Imagine the next time you encounter someone in your life that you feel is toxic, you enact dead to me on them.

What that means is that you will treat them like they are dead. You cut off all contact from them. Block their number, email, change numbers, change address, whatever is needed... and the only way they can contact you is through others who you will also enact dead to me on if they try to force you to reestablish a toxic connection because you know they're not doing it in your best interest.

It's a real scorched earth, hard-core policy but it tests your own mental fortitude while also identifying the people who are truly on your side and will stand by you, versus the ones who have been just playing the game and not being serious because when push comes to shove, they show you where they really stand and it's not with their words.

It circles around a key philosophy that actions speak louder than words and people who play the game well can fool you with their words but they cannot fake actions. It shows you who is with you and who was only saying they were with you for the social cred.

When you're guilted or shamed with their social tactics when they refuse, you know you need to leave and search for something new, somewhere you've never been where things are free from the environment you grew up in. Live a free life from the burden of family, of having to be someone's child, and having an obligation on the mind to worry about things out of your control and to have other people's problems become your problems so you can never have time to care for yourself.

Everyone wants you to solve their problems, but nobody wants to solve yours but yourself. Now imagine instead only spending all of your time on yourself and focusing entirely on only your own future, your own desires, and your own dreams. Where do you want to go?

I want to move to kuala lumpur. I believe it's a beautiful city. The culture, language, politics, and demographics appeal to my values. I don't care what other people say to me, I don't care if I lose my job. I am tired of working for other people and tired of milling day on and day out like a slave while others are making the same if not more and living a life of leisure from maintaining this veneer of diligence which they think others are unable to see but it's as clear as day, it's just the slaves fear of the master, fear of losing their jobs by being enslaved to these loans, this interest, this stupid nightmare that never ends. This feeling of being an invader and an unwelcome guest in America, like you did something wrong, like you're doing something wrong for being alive so you try to work hard to prove your worth. A lot might die trying but I have realized it is all bullshit.

I am too American now to go back to Asia but I think a city like KL could work for me. I know there will be many sacrifices but I am willing to give up almost everything at this point if it means I can finally live somewhere where I feel comfortable and not like a stranger. Where people don't have to identify me by my race and make note of it, where people can just treat me like I'm one of them and stop treating me like a foreigner, if I am going to be treated like a foreigner anyway, I think I'd prefer being treated like an Asian American in Malaysia than an Asian American in America.


narcissism posting


contact big benny you guys would have a great time


Dota has been a great influence on my life. I've met so many people from different backgrounds and places, gotten to know so many different perspectives and got curious to learn more about places in the globe I never would have given a second thought if not for dota events and PGL.

I am at a point in my life where I am tired of just sucking it up and being good. I worked my ass off and all I have are parasites, useless parasites who convinced me it's wrong to kill a bug, but you should always be gentle and take it outside.

I hated bugs, so I would just leave them alone. Instead these bugs would crawl around my home and crawl on me and I couldn't stand it. I couldn't bring people back home because of how disgusting my home was. I couldn't kill the bugs and I couldn't move them. I just had to exist with them.

Finally my mind snapped this year, I realized it's all fucking bullshit and if I die it's all bullshit so I really need to stop doing this stupid grind and utilize my existing wealth and education/connections and just move to a country like Malaysia and just be a pioneer instead of a slave paying taxes to this fucking God awful system. America is seriously on the brink of collapse. Shits so bad. Everyone who remains in this country is gonna get more needles stabbed in them to suck out more juice to make up for all the smart people who are already executing operation ditch.

I booked my ticket to KL for next month, and I am throwing away all of my shit and taking my laptop and suitcase, and I am prob never going to see my family ever again and I couldn't be more thrilled, terrified, and excited at the same time.


What's wrong with narcissism? If you don't make yourself the main character and die for someone else by turning yourself into their NPC, do you think that really makes you better or do you think you just been duped and drinking the same Kool aid as everyone else?


maybe you're just high maintenance or expect too much from life

You're 100% right, I am and I accept that. I'm a diva and I'm tired of people acting like it's wrong to have high standards and drive, legit need to find people who feel the opposite and that means leaving a country that is currently supporting a shit load of mooches

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no one is beholden to act in your interest and if your friends don't then you should examine your own boundaries or yourself as a friend

do you actually think people only hang out with your for 'social cred'? see above

you're responsible for yourself take some responsibility. if running away is the only way you can take care of yourself then ok i guess

Running away is brilliant actually, I can tell you're a low MMR dota player.


i used to be pretty good but im bad 8 years later

Drop top convertible

Anyone in KL hit me up, I'll be there in Aug.

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Think about it, the world has billions of people and you're going to sit and toil and suffer at this one thing on the planet for an extended period of your life just so you can play to the narrative that you're a good person in their eyes because you're so terrified of the guilt and shame you'd feel if you did actually run away from your duty, the idea of them being disappointed would haunt your mind so much it forces you to kowtow to a life where you serve as another humans dog to hunt their food and eat the scraps and expect to be happy even though you know you're not a dog, you're a human just like the others and you deserve equal rights and the fact that they threaten you that your life will be worse if you leave, but really their life will be worse, your life will be much much better but you've been brainwashed and convinced that your own happiness and satisfaction is dependent on the approval and happiness and comfort of others who do not share your values or beliefs.

Dead to me.

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Sorry but this belongs on "reddit /r/ I'm 12 and this is deep"

But I'm not 12, I'm 35 and this is deep to me.

I wish I was as wise as you and as brave and confident as you to take action on your wisdom rather than ruminating in hesitation like I have for so long.